Top Five: Worst Knock-off Consoles

Imitation is not always the best form of flattery.

5. Mini Polystation 3

Mini Polystation 3If you couldn’t afford a PS3 on it’s initial life cycle, your option was simple: you either settled for the competitor’s choice, or you went with the next worst thing: The Polystation 3.

This bad boy sported some weird, funky LCD screen that allowed for some weird variation of handheld play. The caveat: you won’t be playing anything PlayStation on it. Th system came pre-loaded with an array of games that were more fitting for a Tiger handheld rather than a functioning console.

 

4. Battman Unique Xbox

Battman XboxDon’t let the name fool you: “Battman” does not endorse this piece of junk, nor does it offer anything unique.

Credit where it’s due though; the “Unique” Xbox at least had the sensible idea of stealing games from the 16-bit generation for you to play, unlike the Polystation 3 which gave you subpar graphics and in general, an environment where “devs” were simply not going to be able to port their stolen software to it.

In a way, this was one of the many options available before RetroPies where the “in thing”.

My personal suspicion: The console is likely as garbage as the movie the packaging heavily refers to.

 

3. Nintendo Polystation

Nintendo PolystationSo despite all the concrete evidence, you still don’t believe Nintendo and Sony almost put out an optical console together?

It’s true and factual. However, this ain’t it, so don’t get excited when you see the Nintendo Polystation in your nearest Bootleg Alley. This bad boy sported many built in Nintendo favorites, all hacked & chopped to the point where its downright laughable. As TS Eliot stated, “Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take…”

I’ll let you decide what kind of poet the Nintendo Polystation represents.

 

2. Chintendo Vii

Chintendo ViiCan’t really blame anyone for riding the Nintendo Wii train, as it was one of the most successful consoles in our current history, sales-wise. This knock off got extreme close on aesthetics, but failed to deliver on just about everything else.

The bootleg made it this high on the list, only due to the incredible infomercial that was done to promote the product. That alone could have potentially sold me on the console personally, except, well, I got better taste in games, and wiser insight on how to spend my hard earned dollars.

To this day, I don’t understand how this didn’t get shut down as soon as it saw any kind of light.

 

1. NASA Action Set

NASA Action Set, NES Knock-offPay attention knock-off participators: THIS is how it’s done.

First off, amazing work getting a RoboCop endorsement on the box. That alone is enough for anyone to want to jump on this offering, asap. Secondly, its made by NASA, who put man on the Moon, so you KNOW it has to be state of the art. Third, if you bought this via the first two reasons stated, you more than likely need to start thinking about the more important and prevalent choices you’ve made in your life (hint: one can suspect said choices have not been optimal).

This console actually has support for official NES carts, but I highly doubt it’s via any kind of legal permission.

Who cares though, look at that sweet seal of quality on the box. It must mean something, just, nothing to do with actual quality.

Welcome to the top (in this case, bottom).

 

 

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